How can you not buy a book titled “All about sausage”? It’s not about the Benjamins, it’s all about the sausage. There’s far more to this gem than the title, we hit the ground running with the inner cover and intro page: “Without sausage, without bacon, purpose in life is forsaken” – An old German proverb. I can already tell this will be a good book. It’s from Oscar Meyer, so they cover every type of prepared meat you can think of for this cookbook. Let’s get right to some of the numerous gems in this amusing cookbook.
“Holiday Meat Tree”. Oscar Meyer says “Don’t wait for a holiday – this is beautiful buffet food, year around”. Uhh, or it’s a pile of cold cuts with a few olives and radishes for color, but I just love the recipe name. “Bacon Butter”In case your cholesterol count isn’t where you’d like it, try Bacon Butter. Add 2 slices of crumbled bacon to a stick of butter. Simple and heart-healthy!
“Hodgepodge Salad” The name just says it all. It looks like just a big glass bowl of whatever is leftover in your fridge. Just combined a ¾ pound variety pack of meats sliced into strips, 5 cups leftover cooked vegetables and an 8 ounce bottle of creamy onion dressing. (Note: A whole bottle of salad dressing?) Toss well. Then put in the second-largest trifle dish I’ve ever seen. The recommendation in the recipe is to save leftover vegetables over a period of a few days, then use them in this recipe: “Here is good eating with leftovers”. Yuck.
“Meat Pops” Again, the name just grabbed me. The cookbook claims “It’s a sandwich on a stick!”. Or, it’s sliced meat spread with some cream cheese then wrapped around pretzel rods. Cheap and easy, but I expect more effort from a fraternity party.
Just a picture, but a lovely picture for your cardiologist. Mmmm Meat…
“Smoky Link Pasties”
So, I was at this great burlesque show… the women there were beautiful and all of them were wearing cocktail wieners. Oh wait, it’s just a pastry (a stuffed sandwich). From the cookbook: “Cornish miners are said to have invented the Pasty. It was a lunch that could be carried to the mine; and at noon it was still warm and ready to be eaten out of hand”.
“Friar’s Coffee Cake”
I like sausage occasionally. I like coffee cake too. But the Friar’s coffee cake just doesn’t quite work for me. I know sweet and smoky is good; pancake syrup with bacon or sausage is good. But to combine a pound of sausage links and cook them into the coffee cake? Probably a bridge too far for me..
I think someone was high and cleared out their pantry when coming up with this bizarre combination of ingredients. The cookbook hardly makes a convincing argument to try this: “Economical, yet unusual enough to serve guests”. Yeah it’s cheap to make, yet weird. Unusual can be cheap too.
“Western Wiener Scallop”
On the same page, the sequel to the smokie cosmopolitan. The picture looks like you just dumped a few things lying around into the pot. I don’t know if a starving college student would be too happy with this sight either.
“Wiener Chow Mein”
A double winner! Winner: Worst Fusion Dish. Winner: Least authentic Chinese dish ever made! In the dish’s favor, the cookbook says it’s “Speedy – Good for Campers”. Mixing a pound of hot dogs, cans of cream of chicken soup, cream of mushroom soup, and canned noodles might be speedy, but I’m willing to wait for a better dish. Life is short, but I have the time. This dish gives the slow food movement an ulcer.
Wait! Stop! We have a tie! Another double winner for worst fusion dish and least authentic dish. I must admit, as a kid I had the ground beef tacos with the supermarket spice packet for taco meat. I had the pre-made tacos shells. My parents were gringos and had jobs. I even kind of like those tacos once in a blue moon. But my parents were never so desperate for time or dinner ideas that they tried to cook hot dogs with the spice mix and place the hot dogs into taco shells.
“Teeny Wieners” and “Little Wiener Wraps”
Both recipes are on the same page. I couldn’t make this up. There are so many possible punch lines that I don’t even know where to start. It’s like shooting fish in a barrel. I think the latter name was a very unsuccessful Trojan product.“Bacon drippings make popcorn taste oh-so-good”
I had to try this, but didn’t have enough bacon fat to try it according to the recipe. No, it’s NOT dripped over the popped corn, like I though it was at first glance. You just pop the corn in the drippings. It is slightly better, but it’s probably easier to go get a hunk of lard. The lard version would still probably be better for you than old-school movie popcorn in coconut oil.